05 April 2006

Coconut in the Carpet

I often do not think things through very well. And I have an example just waiting for everyone. A couple days ago I bought an "Easy-Open" coconut from Wal-Mart. This morning I decided to eat my coconut and found that I couldn't just pry it apart with my incredible strength. So I drilled out the holes with my Dremel and poured the milk out. The milk tasted terrible. I drilled out part of the patented "Easy Open" line, which appears to be a line where they shaved a little of the "hair" off the coconut surface, apparently making it incredibly easy to open. Still the coconut wouldn't budge. So I began looking for things I could use to open the coconut with blunt trauma. That's when I spied the brass from my tank round. And here I digress into the story about why there is a Canadian tank round in my home.

Every few years the Idaho National Guard tankers, of which I am one, has a shootout with the Canadians. We have M1A1s and they have some form of Leopard 2 (a German tank that Canada purchased for their Army). In 2003 I got to be a part of that competition (which we won by a small margin). After the serious stuff was over, they gave some of us junior soldiers the opportunity to fire a round from their tanks. And after we fired the round they gave us the shell casing from it. I do not have any American casings as the U. S. is very careful to collect and inventory stuff like that. The Canadians were happy not to have to cart the shells back to Canada. Firing a tank is a huge masculinity injection. Your chest hair practically doubles within ten minutes after you fire a round. But anyway, that's the story of how a Canadian tank shell casing came to be my home.

The shell was large and heavy, so I set the coconut on the floor (this is where I stop thinking) and dropped the shell on top of it. The shell cracked a little and I probably could've pulled it apart at that point, but I decided to make sure. I added a little extra push to the drop this time. The coconut splattered all over the carpet and was made very unappetizing, with bits of coconut shell and dog hair stuck all over it. There are several lessons to be learned here.

  1. Don't smash wet things on the carpet.
  2. "Easy Open" isn't all that easy.
  3. Coconuts from Wal-Mart are often rotten.
  4. Canada is pretty cool, and boy could those Canucks drink!

1 comment:

  1. How did this happen again? I think my brain hiccupped.