15 February 2010

Got a Message from Reaper, and Pardon the Navel-gazing Near the End

I got an e-mail from Reaper's customer service department this morning to let me know they're shipping out a Wraith Harvester to replace the broken one that came in my recent order. So that was quick and relatively painless. I will have to order from them again in the future. I actually have a spreadsheet of Reaper figures I "need" for my Warlord armies.

I spent a portion of the day trying to wake up and went out to buy some groceries. By groceries I am referring to soda (bad for me but I haven't given it up yet), protein shakes that I drink instead of meals because I often forget to eat meals, and Owen food (some form of greens for our tortoise, whose name is Owen).

Then I did homework. I don't mind reading the books for my classes, but I would prefer to read fewer pages and absorb more of the information and make connections. With a couple hundred pages to read for each class it becomes a bit of a marathon. I just read and read, hoping to catch enough key words to pass the test.

My high school class has begun to discuss holding a ten-year reunion this summer. I don't know if I want to attend, mostly because thinking about it leads into self-evaluation and embarrassment at how little I've done with my life so far. I am blessed to have a good family and my basic needs are all covered, but it seems that the people who were once my peers have gone on ahead of me. Many of them graduated from school several years ago and have gone on to higher degrees and/or careers that seem fulfilling. I wasted time, lost my scholarships, and feel a bit stuck in a career that pays the bills but feels like a dead end and doesn't suit me very well. I may get a degree in four or five years, depending on scheduling and the pending deployment overseas. It's something that bothers me all the time, but events and anniversaries bring it out a little more.

In a feel-good comedy I guess this is the place where I would decide to throw away the day job and chase my dreams, going through various montages set to upbeat music until I have everything I ever wanted, but I am an endless fount of pessimism and I find it difficult to imagine giving up the security of a permanent position with decent pay for the uncertainty of trying to be happy. The life I have should be enough for me.


  1. I'm with you on the reunion thing. It suits those who like to be flattered whether it's sincere or not. for me it just brings up lots of bad memories and meeting people who I never really liked. petty jealousies from years ago reappear and all those things that you thought you'd left behind are still there.
    I never went to any of mine and I don't regret it.
    As for life - we all think we've got the wrong job and that we could/should do more. For me I try and make the most of what happens out of work to make up for it.

  2. One good thing about getting out into the blog community is realizing that you aren't the only person who feels a certain way. As a shut-in hermit it's easy to forget that people are more alike than different.

  3. I have never attended any school reunions. No regrets. It doesn't matter where you are on the journey...as long as you are on the journey...And you are.

  4. I wish this was a feel good comedy. I'd like nothing more than for you to find a job that would make you happy and then go for it. I wouldn't mind the pay cut. I'd even go out and get a job to support us if you found a career that you loved to do and would make you happy.

  5. Adam feels the same way too and he would say that you're way farther ahead than he is. You should watch Romey and Michelle's High School Reunion- it's stupid, but funny, and plays on the should have's of life, but you might want to watch it with Bekah, it's kind of a girl's flick.